Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
