How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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