Hey man sorry I got all grabby
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
