why didn't you poke me back
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
