shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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