I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
