I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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