I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
