i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
