When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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