Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize