Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
