just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i will never coherently bang her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
