I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize