if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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