Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
