U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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