He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
