I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.