She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now