i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.