Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?