Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat