She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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