and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
