They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
