peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
