Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
