i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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