The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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