woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
