I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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