screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
