My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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