so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pants are for mortals
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
