so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
