Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
