Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
