dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
