I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
