making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
