I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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