if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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