I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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