I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
