i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
