i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
