apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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