you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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