You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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