are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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