Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
