dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wear drunk well.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
