i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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