508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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