therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
