He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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