i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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