Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
