Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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