she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
