She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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