dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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